I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
