So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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