cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Randomize
