So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
