I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize