i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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