chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
