are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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