I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
