Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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