I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
