Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Shame - the story of my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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