mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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