i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
