some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
