The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
