Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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