he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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