Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
