If i come over, it means nothing
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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