I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
