i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
