wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
