i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
