I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
