i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
