I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
