i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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