$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
