Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
