this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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