it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
