he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
