I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
