my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
