someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
