Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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