People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I touched a dick in church today
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
