Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
