When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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