if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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