it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
