dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
