we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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