babies were throwing up all over the place
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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