Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
