Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
