we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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