Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
