it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
