your thong is hanging out like whoa
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize