Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize