how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
