you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
