So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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