I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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