Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
