Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
