I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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