Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
