We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
