I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
