I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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