Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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