everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
