i would punch a child for taco bell
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
