I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
