Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
