During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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