Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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