she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
