Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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