I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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